Getting married is one of the biggest events in a person’s life. Apart from the tons of planning and organizing, one of the major decisions that a bride makes is choosing her bridesmaids.

Every bride is sure to have a number of friends and relatives that are confidently expecting the bride to pick them out as her bridesmaid. But, sadly, there have to be a few female friends or relatives who will have to be told that they are not a bridesmaid. 

Telling a girl that she is not a bridesmaid is a hard conversation to have for the bride who has so many other things to deal with (especially when she straight up asks you if she is a bridesmaid). Plus, no bride would want to ruin their friendship just because her friend wasn't picked to be a bridesmaid. Regardless, it is still a conversation that you have to have with those ladies who assume that they will be a bridesmaid so that way you can get the hurt feelings out of the way quickly. 

This conversation needs to be done sooner than later so you can avoid letting your friend’s expectations get too high and so you also have time to let your relationship heal before your wedding day.

So Let’s Set Things Straight…You’re Not a Bridesmaid

Telling a friend that she is not a bridesmaid is a super uncomfortable discussion which can lead to a lot of emotional turmoil both for you as well as your friend. No matter how you put it, this conversation is going to leave your friend feeling neglected and irrelevant. Her feelings are definitely going to be bruised, which may affect your friendship for awhile. 

But there are ways to avoid causing more damage than necessary just by having this conversation in the proper way. We have put together some simple tips that'll come to your rescue when you need to tell a friend that she is not a bridesmaid for your wedding.

Don’t Be Too Blunt

When you are too blunt in telling a friend anything which she may not like to hear, feelings are definitely prone to be hurt much more. When telling a friend that she is not a bridesmaid, it is always better to be soft and gentle.

You must also give some thought as to how you are going to phrase the actual sentence. Be gentle in your phrasing and let her know that she is important to you but you have to exclude her because you only wanted a couple of bridesmaids.

Be Truthful, But Not Too Truthful

You will have to decide how truthful you want to be regarding the reason why you do not want her as a bridesmaid, depending on how close your relationship is with her and how well you think she's going to take it. 

Being truthful to a friend who is sure of being understanding is great. But be careful not to hurt their feelings deliberately.

Talk about How Much You Value Her and Why You Value Her

When you tell your friend that she is not a bridesmaid, you are hurting her feelings. To soothe her, don't forget to let her know how important she is to you and what a valuable position she holds in your life. You can further reiterate this by checking up on her and involving her in your wedding party in some other way.

Invite Her to Other Wedding Events

There are so many things to be done and so many pre-wedding events to be planned. Even if you are planning not to include certain friends as your bridesmaids, you can always make them feel better about it by including them to be a part of other events, like the bridal shower, a few of your wedding dress shopping trips, or your couple's shower.

Assign Her a Different Role (Only If You Want To)

Though a bridesmaid is definitely the closest companion of the bride on her wedding day, there are many other roles too that the bride’s female friends can play. For example, you could put her in charge of your hair and makeup or your personal attendant so that she feels that she has an important role to play as a bridesmaid does.

Even if you do not want that friend for a specific role and just want her to attend as a party guest, it would still mean a lot to her if you emphasize that you would be honored if she is a part of your wedding in some way or the other.

Listen To Her and Empathize, but Stand Your Ground

You may have a friend who takes the news quite badly when you tell her that she is not a bridesmaid. She may go on a rant or argue with you, which would just make matters worse. What're you to do in that situation?

Be sure to let her have her say and empathize with her. Let her know that she is still important to you and just this one decision does not mean that your relationship with her is going to change. It is equally important to stick to your decision and not let a domineering friend make you change your decision.

Talk to Her Face-To-Face (Or Over the Phone At Least)

It may seem easier to give out bad news over e-mail or a text message but it has a lot of drawbacks in the long run. Make sure that you let your friend know face-to-face that she is not a bridesmaid so that you can soften the news and do damage control immediately. If your friend does not live in the same city, you can at least break the news to her over a telephone call.

Don’t Fall For the “But You Were In My Wedding” Card

It can be particularly tough to tell a friend that she is not a bridesmaid when you were a bridesmaid in her wedding. It is also more hurtful for that friend to think that she considered you to be a close enough friend but you obviously do not reciprocate that feeling.

Make sure that you do not fall for this argument of “but you were in my wedding” when you let your friend know that she is not a bridesmaid at your wedding. Stay true to what you have decided and be confident that you are not obligated to anyone just because you were a bridesmaid in their wedding.

Have a Clear, Concise Reason for Not Having Her in Your Wedding

It is always helpful when you have a clear reason about why you do not want a particular friend as your bridesmaid. The reason may be because you have chosen only your sisters to be bridesmaids or that you wanted an even number of bridesmaids to match the groomsmen.

In any case, the friend that you let down on this account is sure to expect a reason for this decision.

After The Talk, Keep the Conversation About Your Wedding to a Minimum

Once you have told your friend that she is not going to be a bridesmaid at your wedding, it makes sense not to discuss the wedding itself. The wound would still be fresh and any talk related to the wedding would only remind her of your decision which is sure to be distasteful for her.

Talk about other things which you share while ensuring that you subtly emphasize that you consider her a good friend in spite of not including her as your bridesmaid.



Conclusion

If you are planning a wedding and are stuck in this kind of uncomfortable situation, we guarantee that these above tips will make life easier for you. Try out our advice and let us know how it works for you.